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Gothic Vault is an advice column for tormented, Gothic characters and their dreadful, eerie, bump-in-the-night dilemmas. Correspondent Erzsebet Carmean replies to questions submitted by fictitious people who have fictional problems. As author of Gothic characters, Erzsebet is abundantly qualified to dispense no-nonsense wisdom to those penned by others.
Gothic Vault Advice Column, Issue 4
Dear Gothic Vault,
I’m a longtime reader, first time writer. I never thought I’d have a question for you, but … here I am. Three years ago, I purchased a large amount of rural property, complete with a manor that I renovated for vacation rentals. During landscaping, two sets of skeletonized human remains were discovered on a nearby hill. DNA extracted from the molars identified them as mother and daughter. A forensic anthropologist examined the remains and found that although the little girl suffered a broken clavicle, this would not have been fatal. The cause of death remains a mystery, but not the identity of the pair. DNAncestry.ai matched them to the family who owned the land prior to my purchase. When no living relatives could be located, I paid to have the remains cremated and interred in the town cemetery.
Last year, a hiker discovered two skeletons on the hill in the same location as the previous pair. The process of contacting the police and identifying the skeletons was repeated: a mother and child, cause of death undetermined. It is not unsurprising, but DNA matched them as relatives of the previous landowner. What is surprising is that this little girl also had a fractured clavicle.
This year the property finally turned a profit! The rental manor (VBRO link redacted) has no vacancies for the upcoming winter season. The only downside is that the on-season for a mountain rental is when the corpses reappear. I intend to block off the hill for “wildlife rehabilitation.” If I make the hill inaccessible to guests, do I have an obligation to inform visitors about the seasonal skeletons?
Signed,
Skeletal Infestation
Gothic Vault, hi –
I inherited a gorgeous mansion that I rent as a wedding venue in the warmer months, and a writing retreat in the winter. We have a five-star TrustRadius score and excellent Google reviews for the wedding venue, but recently I’ve seen some Yelp reviews complaining about a ghost.
The complaints come from resident writers, who say a little girl wanders on the back patio whenever there is a heavy snowstorm. These writers are highly imaginative (you’ve doubtless seen a movie adaptation by at least one of them). More than once, a wordsmith has called the local police about a neglected child, underdressed for the weather who appears to have an injured arm. The police threaten to fine me if I do not do something to prevent the “prank” calls.
The obvious answer is to tell the residents about the spectral trespasser and ask them not to call the authorities. I’m afraid this will ruin my reputation and risk wedding business. Thoughts?
Ghost Girl Problems
Dear Skeletal Infestation and Ghost Girl Problems,
When I received questions from two resort owners with supernatural trouble, I was reminded of Henry James’s Turn of the Screw, where he upped the ante on one creepy ghost child by adding a second. Despite the differences in manifestation, you are both struggling with the same dilemma: how do I run a business on a haunted property without driving off potential customers? My suggestion is that perhaps the problem isn’t the supernatural – it’s the potential customers.
Your dilemmas are similar to figuring out the correct audience for a novel. A sweet romance won’t fare well with horror readers, especially if one is marketed as being the other. The trick is to find the market for your particular blend of upscale rentals offering the potential for supernatural experiences. Don’t worry about driving off those customers who like their reality solid and ghost-free. Instead, focus on attracting people who crave the inexplicable. If people pay money to go on whale watching daytrips with no guarantee of seeing a whale, dolphin or even a pelican, you are sure to find people willing to pay a premium for a chance to see a skeletal or spectral manifestation.
Skeletal Infestation, kudos to you for being respectful of the first two sets of remains. I agree with your decision to prevent visitors from tampering with the skeletons. However, instead of the lame (and untrue) reason of “wildlife rehabilitation,” consider marketing the site as a point of interest. Contact your local historians to get facts about the land and family that you can put on placards to display at the site. Depending on the depth of history and if there are additional items in the house that are of interest to a ghosthunter, you can charge for a guided audio tour. Perhaps your forensic anthropologist can provide some theories as to how the little girl was injured – the true crime community is insatiable for details. You can upsell picnic baskets in the warmer months, hot chocolate in the winter, even create branded merchandise. As long as you are respectful of the deceased, there is no reason you will lose money on your venture. As a gentle reminder, do not sell bones – it is against the law and morally gross.
Ghost Girl Problems, in addition to a fear of losing customers, you are concerned about your reputation and want to stop visitors from unintentionally crank calling the po-po five-oh. As far as your reputation is concerned, take note of my suggestions to Skeletal Infestation. Many of them are applicable to your situation: your reputation is intact as long as you are respectful of the dead and truthful with visitors. You may want to consider having visitors sign a document stating you have notified them of the child ghost and asked them not to call the police. If you can get the ghost on film, great – include a picture. If not, hire a sketch artist to draw the likeness. If you are dead set (I’m so funny!) against any association of your name with the supernatural, consider registering a Doing Business As (DBA) to put some distance between you and the spectral branding of your venue. My final bit of advice to you, Ghost Girl Problems, is to avoid annoying your author-in-residence by implying their novels are valuable only in that they are a path to a blockbuster movie.
Best of luck with your buisness ventures,
Erzsebet
Both questions are inspired by Elizabeth Gaskell’s The Old Nurse’s Story. This ghost story stands the test of time – you won’t ever look at a piano quite the same way. You can read The Old Nurse’s Story on Project Gutenberg.
Erzsebet Carmean 